Unpopular Opinion: I don’t want school to start.
My oldest kid starts first grade tomorrow, which brings up a myriad of feelings and marks the end of summer; although the triple digit weather and boob-sweat indicates that we’re still in summer or maybe something more sinister, like deep into global warming. Either way, I can no longer put off the reality– our lives will change. And brace yourself because what I’m about to share may surprise you: I’m not looking forward to school starting.
I see the reels, the memes, the blogs, and the mom-friends who are nearly bursting out of their high-rise pants at the idea of their kids getting back into school. In fact, this morning at Meet the Teacher, I bumped into a parent I know, who attempted to be discreet and said, “Aren’t you so ready to get these kids out of our hair?!” A bit uncomfortable, I replied, “Oh, I hadn't put much thought into it.” What… I hadn’t put much thought into it?! I have. It just felt like my thoughts were unpopular, and I’m disappointed that I didn’t have the wherewithal to speak my truth (must make a note to bring that up in therapy) and declare, “No, I’m going to miss her. The morning routine will be laborious. And how is she already in first grade!?”
I suppose the beginning of the school year has me flummoxed. The kid was in camp over the summer but that was optional, often led by her choice if she attended or not. She could decide to stay home with me and she did. Or I could have a summer plan, the beach (always the beach) and say with ease and no repercussions, “No camp today. Nowhere to be but the beach. We’ll pack up and grab breakfast on the way!” This announcement was always met with cheers and an excitement that fueled the kids to be on task and excellent team members; and as I fluttered around doing all the things for a beach day for one adult and three kids my brow was met with sweat. And still, I choose the ease of a summer morning.
Summer coffee and morning snacks are served at 8:00 AM. School starts at 8:00 AM. Those are the truths. I’m not looking forward to school starting because I relish in the relaxing start to our summer days. Yes, I have some old systems in place that are sure to help our school mornings; my favorite is our visual timer. And yes, I have some new systems I’m excited to implement; sounds/songs to indicate certain parts of our morning routine. But I know despite all the best efforts (from me and the kids) and tools from my teacher days past there will be mornings where all you hear is: “Dude, where are your shoes? How come you’re not dressed yet? I said no tablets. Did you brush your teeth? Stop playing. Fuccck, we’re running late… let’s go!”
My husband leaves for work about 5:30AM. The first kid wakes up about 6:00 AM. The other two shortly follow along. Some mornings the team wakes up with smiles, good vibes, and mirth. Other mornings the team wakes up with tears, big feelings, and murderous screams. If this juxtaposition shocks you, you must not be a parent. For me, good mornings are good no matter the season. However, the shit mornings (and yes, sometimes actual shit is involved) are an easier task to shift and move forward from when there is no timer, no schedule, and certainly no responsibility. So, when we're in the school year, and a morning is explosive I find myself floundering to find the time to validate, guide, and talk through the big feelings. And admittedly, I allow external expectations to strip away some of the things that I value most in the relationship I have with my children– respect.
It’s too easy to feel the pressure of school attendance, of responsibility, of other parents, and of yourself when it comes to being on time for school. And with all those pressures, it’s too easy to skip the parts of my parenting style that suck up time in the morning. So, this school year I’m committing to a few things:
1.On those shit mornings make sure I’m parenting the way I want and let go of the pressures– being late happens.
2. On good mornings, celebrate and cheer for us!
3. Plan ditch days.
I don’t want to dread school starting; at least not for the reasons of schedules and routines. I want to find freedom in the necessity of a structured morning. I need me and the kids to start our days positive, happy, and silly, setting the tone for the rest of the day.
To be clear, I’m okay dreading school starting because I will miss the kid. And also, I’m so excited to see her learn, to see the growth, to see the change in who she is as a human– and she’s already stellar. Like I said, the start of school has me flummoxed, which is just another day in parenthood. If we aren’t a bit confused then we aren’t doing it right.