Stop Slinging Bullshit
Motherhood is a state of being that is riddled with varying emotions; some feelings are felt individually and others felt in a catastrophic conglomeration. Your being can feel great. Your being can be exhilarated, rewarded, and inspired. Conversely, your being, your motherhood, can feel like a chaos far beyond your control, chasing away anxieties and drowning in guilt. Teetering between these various states of motherhood is purgatory. I don’t want to live in purgatory. I don’t want to allow other mothers to place me in a motherhood-purgatory. I want to live according to my own expectations-- so I do.
As I stay-at-home during the global pandemic, scrolling through my feeds and mindlessly clicking through stories I am saddened that a community of women, of mothers, larger than those testing positive for Covid-19 have allowed a time of complete disruption to deepen their roots in motherhood-purgatory by other mothers. It’s shameful that during a time when mothers should be placing bets on one another, despite their differing choices in mothering, they are using the feeds and stories to compare themselves. To weigh and measure their success of mothering. To let guilt creep in because another mother has documented every fucking Pinterest activity. Motherhood is a personal journey, and should be managed as such; I want to change the way motherhood is shared, discussed, shared, and pitted against one another. Truthfully, I feel like I have my shit together as a mother. My kids are happy. My husband is happy. I am happy. Why? Because I don’t have any fucks to give about what other mothers are doing.
Technology has given people, mothers included, the opportunity to produce a gilded image. Hiding the truths of our lives, portraying what we wish our lives were like. This is problematic, especially during a time of major change and much needed acceptance, because if mothers continue to upload and share their bullshit motherhood, purgatory will slip away and you will find yourself in hell. As you scroll through the barrage of perfect motherhood states of being, ask yourself: What is that mother proving? What is that mother hiding? Is that mother really happy managing yet another activity?
Honestly, in my experience a diarrhea of poised, perfect, and pretentious posts about their motherhood is fucking fake and the-behind-the scenes looks so much different, which is okay; t’s okay that reality is messy and a shit-show. What is not okay is that mothers continue to sling their bullshit because it’s damaging to the mothers who are seeking truth, honesty, and realism to guide them out of purgatory. To know they are not alone. To gain acceptance. To see that everyone is different and everyone’s choices should be applauded-- as long as they are authentic.
Perhaps, more important, for the health of your state of being is to ask yourself: Is that what I really want? Would that make my family happy? Would that make me happy? If so, great, you were inspired by another mom. If the answer is no, move on and do not let yourself feel less than because your truth doesn’t match someone’s falseness. Listen to yourself. I listen to myself. I am living authentically and honestly. My motherhood state of being is in flux but I enjoy the changing current because I respond to what I need that day, what my kids need that day, what my family needs that day. I don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks about my choices because we are happy. We enjoy being together. We enjoy being apart. We are enjoying my motherhood state of being. Are you enjoying your motherhood?