Conversations on Bodyfeeding: Three Takeaways

I had just given birth to my third child, a girl, and my mind, which moments ago had abandoned my body, floating in the fog of childbirth had returned. She was placed on my chest and despite her being in my body, a part of my body for the last 41 weeks that first skin-to-skin contact was electrifying-- I was completely present. But as it happens in motherhood, I started thinking, wondering and worrying; would she latch? Would our breastfeeding relationship be successful? Would I have enough milk? I looked down at this tiny seven-pound little human, enamored and in awe, watching as her head started to move around, pecking and bobbing on a mission of discovery. I shimmed my shoulders to collaborate our efforts. She latched. I felt my shoulders relax, my vision blurred with tears of happiness and my husband said, “Looks like you both already make a great team!” And just like that, another breastfeeding journey began. Parenthood, including bodyfeeding is unlike any other journey in life; at times it can be so isolating, feeling as though you are the only one in the tumultuous waters, drifting independently from any other parent, and the fatigue from keeping yourself above water is overwhelming. But as we ask for help and as we share our stories we begin to swim, to float— together.

In celebration of World Breastfeeding Week I took to IG Live to hold space for parents to share their bodyfeeding experiences, tips, struggles, and victories— it was nothing short of spectacular. Of course, in an effort to practice what I preach, I asked for help, collaborating with the effervescent April Trettel. April is a doula, birth photographer, and circle facilitator; she offers support, documentation, and holds space for parents— she is the flotation device we all need in the waters of parenthood. As we embarked on a week-long commitment of conversations we were excited and honored that parents were willing to share not only to us but on a public platform.

The week was full of all the things: successes, struggles, tips, smiles, laughter, and tears. These moms held nothing back. It became so clear that we were all part of a bigger goal, a worthy mission of spreading stories about bodyfeeding. And like many things in motherhood, it also became clear that we had more in common within our bodyfeeding journeys than differences. I shouldn’t have been surprised but I was; perhaps, I was so surprised because (and unfortunately) women don’t sit around and share their breastfeeding journeys openly and freely. I’ve seen a change in motherhood and I feel relief that we are headed towards a place of open and honest communication and community.

I didn’t find my community until after my first was a handful of months old, and it wasn’t from people I knew. In fact, it was from complete strangers, from a Facebook group. And the kicker, I had to be very proactive in finding them; these mom-friends that are still in my life today proved to be invaluable in offering support, love, and fun. And as I get a bit nostalgic and drift from the focus of breastfeeding and the wonderful stories, I had a point:

Find your community. Find your support. Find your mom-friends. It will impact you, your kids, and your motherhood journey more than you know.

I’ll step down from my soap-box now.

April and I had nearly a dozen conversations during World Breastfeeding Week. We chatted with veteran moms and first time moms. We heard triumphs and struggles. I was honored to be part of something so important, so valuable; and it was so valuable because we unearthed universal truths and experiences in the varying stories, which was a reminder that there is no reason for us to be treading water alone in our motherhood journey. The conversations, much like the liquid gold our bodies produce, were heavy with golden nuggets of experience. For me, I teased out three big nuggets: education, support, and flexibility.

Education

We all know the old saying, “Knowledge is power,” so why do we enter breastfeeding without all the knowledge? Of course, there are many reasons. Like we don’t know where to get the information, we don’t think we need it, we’ve been conditioned to believe that breastfeeding should just happen, and moms don’t share enough about their experiences. Luckily, companies, social media influencers, and birth workers have been working tirelessly to normalize breastfeeding, which removes the stigma or shame for moms seeking out education. La Leche League is a fantastic launching point to find local lactation consultants, support groups, and a plethora of bodyfeeding information on their site. Our moms agree-- get all the information and education you can before you give birth.

Support

When I reflect on my own journey of pregnancy, breastfeeding, and motherhood-- I thrived because of my support system. (I’m still thriving because of my support system.) Across the week of conversations our moms made it clear that doing this-- breastfeeding-- alone would have been so much more challenging. Most of our moms applauded and cheered their partners for taking on tasks such as: changing and prepping the baby for a feeding, getting the baby for those night feedings, cleaning pumping parts, keeping them company, offering unconditional support, and being their cheerleader. For me, my partner was everything but there are so many other options of support, like a newborn care specialist, postpartum care giver, or a sleep consultant. And as you are planning for your support you can lean on companies like The Cradle Company which focus on bringing your family harmony, structure, guidance, and balance. And, much like the discovered universal recommendations from our moms, they also agree to have your support system in place before you give birth.

Flexibility aka Acceptance

I would venture a guess that if you are reading my blog, then you are in or almost in the motherhood club, and if that is true than you have learned or are learning that it is chock-full of flexibility and acceptance. As we listened to varying experiences, some without a hitch and some where all the wheels came off, every mom agreed-- you have to be flexible. Often, things don’t go as we planned and that’s okay because it’s how we handle the change that truly impacts us. We can acknowledge that the change sucks, that it makes us angry or sad or disappointed; and then, we can move forward. Sometimes moving forward means putting yourself first and that’s the change we can champion and accept. One of my favorite ways practicing acceptance and flexibility was with my Renegade Mama Postpartum Affirmation Deck I used the deck as a preemptive action and as a remedy for feeling stuck or rigid. I would pull a card, read it silently and then out loud; I would believe and internalize the card. Find a practice that helps you, that guides you, that supports you through the flux of motherhood and breastfeeding.

Take a breath and know that you won’t break if you allow yourself to bend.